These pieces of art are the result of tough, no nonsense, self-congratulatory journalism. We're talking Pulitzer.


"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Vladimir Putin to Co-Star in New Musical 'My Fair Fuel Rods'"
"Sean Penn and Hugo Chavez Propagandize for Al-Qaeda in Iraq, Discuss Totalitarian Repression, Thuggery, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High"
"Anti-Iraq War Left Declares War on Al-Qaeda, Wants to Send Troops to Pakistan for Aggressive Ground War - And While We're at it, Save Darfur!"
"The Enemies of Islam, Moderate Version, Allah Be Praised"
"The Enemies of Islam According to Mahmoud and Omar, Allah Be Praised"
"Al-Qaeda Threatens to Waste Electricity, Burn Fossil Fuels, and Drive SUVs Until All Infidels Turn to the True Religion. The Entire Western World Declares All-Out War to Save the Planet: Aging Environmentalist Hippies Volunteering in Droves for Military Service."
"Married Persian Male, Successful President of a Very Strong Country (Praise Allah!), Emotionally Stable, Great with Kids, Seeks Young, Acrobatic Persian Females for Copulation and Procreation in order to Defeat the Crusaders through Population Expansion. No Pets Please."
"International "Bambi" Fan Club Recommends Bambi for All Children: Muslims Outraged"
"I Am Kofi, And I Am An Inertiaholic"
"Dear President Bush, It's Mahmoud..."
"Charlie Sheen: Lunatic, Usama bin Laden, or Both?"
"Hans Blix: The World's Oldest Diplomat"
"Al-Qaeda's New Comedy Team!"


President of Foundation for Psychotics Missing, Feared Dead or Unfashionable
Department of Homeland Security Expands Terror Watchlists to Include All Carbon Life Forms
Christmas Terror Suspect and His Underwear Plead Not Guilty
Senate Promises that Healthcare Bill Will Reduce Costs, Particlularly for the Deceased


"Let's All Go, Go to Guantanamo"
"Where Can I Buy Al Gore Offsets?"
"My Carbon Footprint Stepped on My Water Footprint, and I Have Nothing to Wearrrrr!"
"An Iranian Makeover"
"Who Cares About Pahkeestahn, Check Out Barry's Pecs!"
"I Don't Know About You, But I Think Britney Should Run This Year"
"Is There Hope for Vladimir Putin? Is There Hope for His Hair? Or His Successor?"


Barry and the Giants
Scientists Discover Life on Earth
Man's Head Explodes at Stanferd U.
Health Experts Discuss Whether Cream Cheese is Cream with Some Cheese in it or Cheese with Some Cream in it
Lawyer Sues Himself, Awarded $300,000
Dr. Kevorkian Learns Tap Dancing in Prison
Study by Dancing Psychiatrists Finds that Egotism is Self-centered
EXCLUSIVE: Foam is Found to Be Foamy!