CHARLIE SHEEN: LUNATIC, USAMA BIN LADEN, OR BOTH?
Don't Believe the Lies of the Neocon Cabal!!!!!
Charlie Sheen knows that President Bush was behind 9/11. Indeed, we hear at Gettin' Gashouse agree!! In fact, we have penetrated the LIES LIES LIES of the administration and have gone even farther into the depths of this terrible conspiracy!! Not only did Dick Cheney and President Bush personally train aliens from Area 51 to coordinate the 9/11 attacks, but they even blew up the World Trade Center towers via remote control using Dick Cheney's skull-embedded microchip!! Controlled demolition dudes! Yes, the hijackers were actually aliens made to look like Middle Eastern mujahadeen through plastic surgery using a special top secret CIA-produced polymer. We uncovered the shocking truth--- Donald Rumsfeld is actually a PRECISION ROBOT designed to make aliens look human!
But there is an even bigger secret, more hideous and cunning than even Barbra Streisand could possibly imagine! Something so grotesque that even Ward Churchill, when we told him, called us left wing conspiracy nuts!! Right under our noses, no one was able to see the pivot point in this horrible, evil scheme perpetrated on the American people by power-hungry egomaniacal SUV-supporting neocon warlords!! Until now!!!
Using space-age hyperconducting lithium-based optical fiber technology to calculate fourth order polynomials of Charlie Sheen's face in this picture...
and comparing these equations to a statistical correlation function based on contour definitions created using a modeling technique designed to provide geodetic longitudinal points using data orthorectification on this picture of UBL, the conclusion is undeniable...
Charlie Sheen ... is ... Usama Bin Laden.
Why haven't we found UBL? Because he was making terrible sitcoms that no one watches.
Why did we go to war in Iraq? Because Saddam Hussein was going to tell the whole world about Charlie Sheen.
And through psychological pressure techniques used on "Charlie's" "father", "Martin Sheen", the truth about Iran has been revealed!!
Martin Sheen is really Ayatollah Ali Khameini!
And this has also been established via space-age hyperconducting lithium-based optical fiber-based calclulations compared to a statistical correlation function based on contour definitions created using a modeling technique designed to provide geodetic longitudinal points using data orthorectification, but using a different decay algorithm.
Boycott the Sheens!