An Iranian Makeover

Ground Loco II Entertainment News Reporter Studley Reemer Reporting

With all this talk about destroying Israel, I think I know what the mullahs in Iran need; makeovers. Extreeeeeme ones. First, for those individuals, gay or straight, who are into turbans... the plain white or black ones gotta go. I mean come on people, this is the year 1388 (yes, the Persian calendar, look it up). Noooobody should wear black or white turbans anymore, that's so 1370!

I was thinking some kind of "Dancing with the Stars"-type of sparkling lace interweaved with blue and red stripes. Or something that brings out their true inner righteousness and lights up their faces! Oh wait, their faces never really light up do they... well maybe makeovers are just the thing to put smiles on their faces. Deep down we all want to be happy, right? If I had a hot turban on, I would be feeling pretty damn good about life.

These mullahs need color. I mean what is it with all the gray and black? Their shoes, their dresses... I guess they are supposed to be austere colors but mullahs, the world would take you more seriously if you lightened up. And I don't mean all of you smiling while raggin' on Israel. A little makeup would go a long way on you too. It's not effeminate; I'm sure Ahmadinejad wears some when he's on TV. You can wear a little makeup and still be a righteous soldier of Allah. And do something with those beards. Beard trimmers can do magic, like a goatee or one of them thin beards make you look all cool and down with the ummah. Show some individuality ladies! You never know who you might pick up...