President of Foundation for Psychotics Missing, Feared Dead or Unfashionable
Walter Booty, the President of the Oobaooba Foundation for Psychotics, was reported missing from Carter Psychiatric Hospital yesterday. Booty's colleague and best friend with benefits, Tom Hurst, reported that Mr. Booty didn't report to his office and did not answer phone calls or emails for several days, which is completely out of character.
"Walter never missed work for anything, unless there was a fashion show or something important where really cool people were going to be," said Hurst. "And he would ALWAYS tell me. He's just disappeared without a word and I'm so distraught, can I have a tissue please? My worst fear is that he's lying dead somewhere, or he moved to the Midwest somewhere to a totally unfashionable little town without ANY malls."
Mr. Booty has worked for the Oobaooba Foundation for 16 years as an advocate for psychotics and for their full acceptance in society. He has authored several books, including "Schizophrenic? Do I Look Schizophrenic, or Are You Referring to That Break-dancing Purple Elephant Behind Me?", "Psychotic Tendencies: How to Stop Living and Start Dreaming", and "Auditory Hallucinations: Meh, So What? They're Probably Better Than Anything on the Radio."
If anyone knows of the whereabouts of Mr. Booty, they are urged to call 911 or contact the Carter Psychiatric Hospital at 1-800-876-DSM5.