Dispatch to all Senior al-Qaeda Officials, Allah Be Praised!

As you know, we've had some setbacks lately. Zarqawi screwed up in Jordan a few months back, and bin Laden just offered a truce to the infidels to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan, which, he and I agree, kind of made us look like donkeys. I, Mohammed Hamib Ahmed, have just been appointed the new central communications director by Osama (thanks dude!!). In my consultations with the blessed one, we have decided to modify our communications approach to the Zionists and crusaders. We believe that satire and comedy will work better. Our CEO and his assistant, bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri, are now being billed as the new Abbott and Costello to the western world.

Let us welcome the new standup comedy team bin Laden and Zawahiri! Thi.... one moment please.............

I have an update! It has been decided by the will of Allah that they should use more European sounding names, so as to more effectively fool the crusaders. They are now known as "Ladd and Zimmer." They also will use heavily accented English to sound funnier to the infidels.

Bin La... I mean, Ladd and Zimmer have produced a new audio tape that I shall now send to al-Jazeera. I have to fax it over because my email is not working, damn that Abdul! I called tech support three times and they don't answer! Well, here is the transcript.

New audio tape to be played on al-Jazeera, excerpt from the "The Ladd and Zimmer Show"

**Begin transcript**

Zimmer: Always we praise Allah, he is great, but why the infidels are winning? They almost kill me other day.

Ladd: Why you are complaining, huh? *slap* What is matter with you? *whack*

Zimmer: Ooofff, cut it out Ladd!

Ladd: Pull yourself together *whack* snap out of it *slap* uh, how you say, always you are complaining they are winning. We cannot lose because praise Allah, the infidels and crusaders are decadent, they only care money, women.

Zimmer: But Ladd, th...

Ladd: Always they want more money, oil, SUV.

Zimmer: Yeah but...

Ladd: Yabat, yabat, what you mean yabat *whack* why you not listen *whack*

Zimmer: Ouuucch!

Ladd: I tell you, people of Great Satan, you never have peace unless you buy our new DVD, "Ladd and Zimmer Meet Micah Goldstein, Jew Monster." Funny story how we escape evil bloodsucker who try to sue us.

Zimmer: Is very funny!

Ladd: Shut up! *slap whack slap punch*

Zimmer: Waaahhaahahaahaaa!!!

Ladd: Also, you cannot stop us, we are so funny, we sell DVD and make more plans to destroy you, Allah willing, and we get top bill at the Improv. Then we make jokes while rivers of your blood going down the street, then maybe we get Pay Per View show!

Zimmer: Oh goodie goodie!!! Please please can we can we!!

Ladd: Why you are so dumb, you are like infidel Saudi king.

Zimmer: I know it Ladd. I'm a baaaaaaaaddd boy.

Ladd: No you're not.

Zimmer: Yes I am, I'm no good. I've never been any good. I hate myself.

Ladd: You sound like western journalist now!

Zimmer: I can't help it Ladd.

Ladd: You are stupid donkey. Stop hating. We make people laugh. Remember, if Akhnad is on first, and Habib is on second, Amir is on third....

Zimmer: I thought Akhnad was on second.

Ladd: Akhnad is on first.

Zimmer: I thought Amir was on first.

*Canned laughter*

Ladd: See, we are funny.

Zimmer: Yeah!!

Ladd and Zimmer: (Singing)
We are the funny comedy team,
Ladd and Zimmer we are so mean,
We want to blow up things,
Also we want to dance and sings,
We are so funny, Allah willing!

**End of transcript**