LAWYER SUES HIMSELF, AWARDED $300,000
Prosecutor Harry Wardly has just won a case against himself, setting a precedent that could be felt soon in all areas of the justice system. In a landmark decision, the Hon. Tammy Faye Czkzhkhobrgzsh awarded Wardly $300,000 for a nearly deadly assault on himself. Wardly sued himself for hitting himself over the head with a bottle of Dom Perignon after he won a $2 billion case against the tobacco industry. It was found that he did in fact have willful intent. "This is only the civil case," said one of his colleagues, "When this is taken to criminal court, we will then see if we have made any progress in the judicial system." But George Bulum, a rather prestigious constitutional lawyer from Chevy Chase, Maryland, says that this is collusion between a corrupt lawyer and a power hungry judge. "In this case we've seen what lawyers can stoop to, and what judges can be convinced of when they are biased," said Bulum, in an interview with 20/30 which paid him quite a bit of loot. For the sake of progress, Wardly says, he will donate the money to himself and write it off as a tax deduction.