You mean I have to pay for golf clubs in heaven? I'm an extroverted well-adjusted male golfer, and after reading The Extroverted Well-adjusted Male Golfers' Qualification Examination I got the impression that you were making fun of golfers who think that golf clubs are free in heaven. What, have you been there or something? I don't know about you goddamn Catholics, but I know that Episcopalians definitely teach that they're free.

- John Smith, WASP

Dear Mr. Smith,

I did not know golf clubs are mentioned in the 39 Articles. What about the golf balls? (I feel like inserting a joke here, but it's just too touchy). Sincerely (apologetically to others),

-- WPH