1. Poor people have no money because they're _______.

  1. lazy
  2. weak and lazy
  3. fat... well no, not fat, but lazy
  4. weirdos


2. My favorite activity back in my frat days was ______.

  1. golf
  2. golfing
  3. going to the driving range
  4. getting chicks drunk and watching them fall over


3. As the president of Wacky Widgets Inc., I had to cut our time in meetings down to ______ hours a day.

  1. 12
  2. 14
  3. 16
  4. 32


4. If you shoot an 83 on a rainy day with only your 7 iron, you are ______.

  1. a honky
  2. deserving of heaven
  3. a fat white dude
  4. ready to buy a new Mercedes


5. In high school I was voted most likely to ______.

  1. be a salesman
  2. be a salesman with lots of chicks falling all over me
  3. be in charge of everything
  4. always have a glazed look in my eye and laugh too loud at dumb jokes


6. I only talk to ______.

  1. other people who look like me
  2. loud obnoxious people like me
  3. people who look like they're going places and aren't slackers
  4. people whose last name is Smith


7. People who commit crimes however small should be _____.

  1. hanged publicly
  2. castrated slowly and surely with a butter knife
  3. immediately stomped on, and if they have long hair they should be given a crew cut
  4. arrested, indicted, found guilty and punished by becoming my caddy


8. My pastor says that in heaven everyone's a CEO and golf clubs are free. When I am in charge in heaven I'll also add ______.

  1. free cognac
  2. big huge suburbs with neat tidy lawns and no goddamn condos
  3. a newspaper that has 39,048,753,498,753 pages in the business section
  4. limo rides to the club where you can never shoot higher than a 68


9. When my girlfriend won't meet me for dinner, I prefer to _____.

  1. just go home and listen to my wife yell
  2. call one of my other girlfriends
  3. clean my clubs
  4. clean Smitty's clubs


10. My favorite bumper sticker is ______ .

  1. "Poets are freaks"
  2. "The Jews did it!"
  3. "Bring back Ike"
  4. "Golf books are great. Let's burn everything else!"