BS: Today I have with me the Director of Operations at Tuffs Health Plan, the dude who makes all the decisions, Mr. Don Crumbly. It’s good to have you here Mr. Crumbly.

DC: I know.

BS: How do you respond to some of the criticisms that your company gets about not paying out claims and generally giving doctors a hard time.

DC: I don’t.

BS: You don’t respond?

DC: Not unless dey get on my nerves. Den I send my boys out.

BS: How do you mean?

DC: Dey, uh, resolve the conflict, know what I’m sayin’?

BS: Oh, conflict resolution! You have classes on that?

DC: Yeah, we get together in a room, and we uhhh, talk it over. Basically we tell ‘em to say what’s on their minds, and we say dat’s nice, but we’re right so shut your f*****’ face. Sort of like sexual harassment training.

BS: You’re so progressive!

DC: And if that don’t work, Vinny works on ‘em.

BS: Vinny from Tuffs?

DC: Damn, you’re good. I think you’re sick though. You on our plan?

BS: No.

DC: Why not?

BS: I’m on this other HMO.

DC: You wanted to interview me, but you ain’t even on our plan?

BS: You don’t pay for anything!

DC: You’re goin’ down a**hole.

BS: What about conflict resolution?

DC: What a codependent mother f*****. Vinny!

This interview has been censored by Surf Nanny due to graphic violence that is not appropriate for minors, especially for disturbed teens whose yuppie parents have forgotten their names.