Hornenbugle's Resume

Wesley Peppermint Hornenbugle

3,000,000 Discovery Ave. Apt 10^-4

Watkinswaddle, Wyoming 00000-0000

OBJECTIVE

Associate Tree Hugger for an environmentally conscious nonprofit organization in the Vermont area.

HORTICULTURAL SKILLS

Raking, Pearing

Plowing, Pollen Sniffing

Laying sod, Preening

Picking dandelions, Composting manure

Mulching (Cedar and Cedar++), Picking cotton

Pruning, Singing old Negro spirituals

EDUCATION

UC Barkley

- Bachelor of Science in Peat Moss Density Analysis June 1969

- Master of Science in Non-Gender-Specific Leaf Science August 1971

- Doctorate in Subtropical Plant Geometry August 1975

Activities

- President and Treasurer of the Undergraduate Nest Building Club

- Top Gun of QN division Non-Subatomic Poacher and Lumberjack Snipers

EXPERIENCE

ENVIROSCRAPE, Seattle, WA, maker of environmentally safe facial hair trimmers and razors

Vice President of Operations and Aggravations 1991- present

Redesigned entire line of products and put them back in black.

Openly discussed sexual affairs with interns.

VIAGRAZON, Milwaukee, WI

Senior Scientist - Organic Lawn Enhancer Division 1985-1991

Researched and produced lots of organic stuff.

Asked a girl out for the first time.

Collected 94,128 cans of Diet Coke and melted them into "aluminum grape leaves."

1975-1985

Sold tomatoes door to door

Drank juice; a lot

Headed political organization called the Green Panthers, dedicated to the advancement of green leafy vegetables.

OTHER INTERESTS

Hiking, Worrying about global warming

Biking, Drinking green tea

Raking, Riding my solar-powered bicycle

Baking