I went to a restaurant all alone
Since I donít have any friends
I ordered a bowl of onion soup
And a couple of broiled hens
The waiter brought me the soup real quick
And it sure looked mighty bland
Then up jumped a phenomenologist
From the school of Hildebrand!

Excuse me, thereís a phenomenologist in my bowl
Get this guy outta here Ďfore I hit him with a pole
Waiter please, take my soup away
Itís no use, Iím a Thomist all the way

The waiter took my soup away
And he brought a brand new one
I took my spoon and stirred it up
Nope, thereís nobody in this one
The soup was really the best Iíve had
I was satisfied this time
But just when I started to eat dessert
From my water came a student of Quine

Excuse me, now thereís an ontological relativist in my glass
Get this guy outta here or else Iíll kick his ass
Waiter please, take my glass away
Itís no use, Iím a Thomist all the way