1. When I'ma drivin' my pickup, and I see a squirdle run in front of me, I _____.

  1. Yodel at the critter
  2. Aim my tires at the critter
  3. Aim my shotgun at the critter
  4. Slow down


2. When I was at Berkeley in '69, my sociology major roommate's and my favorite group was ______.

  1. Pink Floyd
  2. King Crimson
  3. Jefferson Airplane or Starship or whatever they were called then
  4. Whar in tarnation is Berkeley at?


3. Back when I was an anarcho-syndicalist in the now defunct Anarcho-libertarian Paranoia Party, we did a lot of ______ at our meetings.

  1. LSD
  2. weed
  3. No, those were the right-wing fascist Libertarians who did that
  4. eatin' squirdles


4. When Deepak Chopra came to our school, I was like so ______.

  1. awakened
  2. drunk
  3. totally confused
  4. freaked out


5. As a child I used to sniff oven cleaner for ______.

  1. 5 minutes at a time
  2. 10 minutes at a time
  3. 5 hours at a time
  4. I don't remember, I was abducted and returned to earth at age 17


6. The government has been trying to get me ever since I ______.

  1. have been hearing alien voices telling me to vote for George W. Bush
  2. was born
  3. started watching The X Files
  4. *hiccup* it's a consp-conspicu-conspablbll-consmammammaa *hiccup* it's a ruse I tell ya!


7. The best Star Trek series is _____.

  1. the original
  2. TNG
  3. DS9
  4. Ain't you got nothin' about fishin' on this page?


8. JFK was assassinated by ______.

  1. aliens
  2. the Pentagon officials who knew about the cover-up
  3. Little insects with big hairy nostrils
  4. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


9. The internet is being spied on by the military and by the vast right-wing conspiracy and they've got cameras on me. I know what I'll do!

  1. Hide in the closet
  2. Send a letter to the President
  3. Cut down on the Prozac and try a different one that won't make me so edgy
  4. Talk to my fluffy stuffed animals


10. When I eat that squirdle that I ran over yesterday, I'ma gonna put ______ on it.

  1. Beer
  2. Catchup
  3. Grits
  4. Aw heck, forget squirdle, I want me some possum!