THE ROSWELL EXTRATERRESTRIAL DELUSIONAL UFO WORSHIPERS CLUB QUALIFICATION EXAMINATION
1. When I'ma drivin' my pickup, and I see a squirdle run in front of me, I _____.
- Yodel at the critter
- Aim my tires at the critter
- Aim my shotgun at the critter
- Slow down
2. When I was at Berkeley in '69, my sociology major roommate's and my favorite group was ______.
- Pink Floyd
- King Crimson
- Jefferson Airplane or Starship or whatever they were called then
- Whar in tarnation is Berkeley at?
3. Back when I was an anarcho-syndicalist in the now defunct Anarcho-libertarian Paranoia Party, we did a lot of ______ at our meetings.
- No, those were the right-wing fascist Libertarians who did that
- eatin' squirdles
4. When Deepak Chopra came to our school, I was like so ______.
- totally confused
- freaked out
5. As a child I used to sniff oven cleaner for ______.
- 5 minutes at a time
- 10 minutes at a time
- 5 hours at a time
- I don't remember, I was abducted and returned to earth at age 17
6. The government has been trying to get me ever since I ______.
- have been hearing alien voices telling me to vote for George W. Bush
- was born
- started watching The X Files
- *hiccup* it's a consp-conspicu-conspablbll-consmammammaa *hiccup* it's a ruse I tell ya!
7. The best Star Trek series is _____.
- the original
- Ain't you got nothin' about fishin' on this page?
8. JFK was assassinated by ______.
- the Pentagon officials who knew about the cover-up
- Little insects with big hairy nostrils
9. The internet is being spied on by the military and by the vast right-wing conspiracy and they've got cameras on me. I know what I'll do!
- Hide in the closet
- Send a letter to the President
- Cut down on the Prozac and try a different one that won't make me so edgy
- Talk to my fluffy stuffed animals
10. When I eat that squirdle that I ran over yesterday, I'ma gonna put ______ on it.
- Aw heck, forget squirdle, I want me some possum!