Memo from: The President of the United States, The Honorable Barack Obama

To: My Administration

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Due to the recent hiring problems caused by improper vetting of applicants, I am emphasizing the need for accountability as the tax season approaches. Several people have addressed questions to me recently regarding this situation, and I would like to make some clarifications;

1. You may only use your own social security number on your federal tax forms, but only if you are a U.S. citizen. Non-resident aliens are exemped from this rule.

2. Your cash contributions to me last year were appreciated, but you may not claim them as income now that you work for me!

3. Pets are not dependents, and neither are the Clintons.

4. Please don't lose your W-2 forms more than once. You need them!

5. April 15 people. It's April 15, it has always been April 15. Don't claim that you were too busy saving the planet if you miss the deadline. And even though I am for the redistribution of wealth, that doesn't mean you can just decide not to file.

6. Remember, YES WE CAN file by the deadline.

Please keep these in mind as you work on your tax forms this year, otherwise Michelle will get mad. Have you seen her biceps? Oh, and I've put Vice President Joe Biden in charge of making sure you all file, because nobody messes with Joe. He's from Scranton.